The Parent I Became

I have two amazing sons on the autism spectrum: Finley (8) and Ethan (11). Someone once asked me, “If there was a magic pill to take them off the spectrum, would you give it to them?” My answer was, and always will be, no.

 

My boys are perfect, just as they are. Who and how they are is a gift, and I wouldn’t change that for anything. I’ve been given the incredible privilege of loving, understanding, and supporting them with all the patience and care they need to live full, joyful, and beautiful lives.

 

Understanding Finley’s Life

 

Finley has a level 3 autism diagnosis, which means he requires substantial support. He is nonverbal and experiences learning challenges, so he will likely need lifelong assistance and won’t live independently.

 

However, Finley communicates in his own remarkable way. Using a tablet with Augmentative and Alternative Communication (AAC) tools, he can let us know when he’s hungry, needs to use the bathroom, or wants to share something else. His ability to express himself allows us to connect and meet his needs effectively.

 

Understanding Ethan’s Life 

 

Ethan has a level 1 autism diagnosis, which is considered the mildest on the spectrum and comes with lower support needs. Ethan has challenges with picking up social cues, displays light stimming behaviors, and takes a bit longer than average to grasp and learn certain concepts. 

 

Despite these challenges, Ethan has the potential to live independently and even build a family of his own someday. It’s our responsibility, as his parents, to help prepare him for the world. 

 

We understand that the world will have certain expectations of him (autism diagnosis or not) so we work hard to help him develop stronger problem-solving skills and a deeper understanding of social and practical situations. 

 

In many ways, Ethan reminds me of myself. While I’ve never been formally diagnosed, I’m 98% sure I’m also a level 1 on the autism spectrum. Ethan is like a mini version of me, only better. When I was growing up in the mid-80s and early 90s, autism wasn’t widely understood. 

 

I struggled to fit in and was often labeled as the "bad kid," not because I was difficult, but because no one knew what was going on with me. 

 

For Ethan, it’s different. We understand what he’s going through, his challenges, and how his mind works. He shares so many of the traits I had as a child, but he has the advantage of a more informed world and parents actively working to help him navigate it. Seeing Ethan doing better than I did at his age fills me with hope. 

 

A Life You Can’t Prepare For

 

Parenting autistic children is a journey no amount of preparation can fully prepare you for. From therapy and specialized schooling to embracing their needs, including stimming in public, we focus daily on supporting our boys while teaching them to navigate a world that often misunderstands autism. 

 

When we learned our boys were autistic, it was difficult. Every parent wants the best for their children. The future weighs on me the most, knowing I won’t always be here and Finley will likely outlive me by decades. We’re committed to saving and preparing for his long-term security. We’re focused on building a support system that ensures he’ll have the care, stability, and love he needs to live a dignified and fulfilling life.

 

A Life Full of Lessons

 

Being a parent to autistic children has taught me unexpected lessons. It opened my eyes to the importance of seeing the world through their perspective, understanding their challenges, the meltdowns they endure, and the struggles they experience in regulating themselves. Truly recognizing how hard life can be for them has profoundly changed me.

 

My children have made me a better dad and, ultimately, a better person. Through them, I’ve learned that everyone carries unseen struggles. This has been a constant reminder to approach others with kindness, withhold judgment, and offer support whenever possible. Their journey has inspired me to be more compassionate, patient, and understanding, not just with them but with everyone I meet.

 

I’ll never forget Ethan’s first week at a new school designed around autistic children. He came home and told me he loved it, that he was having fun, learning, and making friends. For Ethan, this was a monumental achievement. Forming friendships has always been challenging for him, as he struggles with picking up on social cues. Sadly, young children can be unkind, particularly when parents fail to teach them basic empathy and manners.

 

Seeing Ethan thrive in an environment that understands and supports him was a powerful reminder of how critical it is to find the right spaces for our kids to grow, connect, and truly be themselves.

 

A Life Worth Supporting

 

Autism awareness matters deeply. Behaviors like stimming, spinning, or toe-walking are ways autistic individuals regulate and manage overstimulation. Asking questions fosters understanding and connection.

 

Support for autistic individuals must extend beyond childhood. Many face limited opportunities in adulthood. Through my company, Dry Shrink Prep, we create structured, repetitive tasks like filling jars or assembling kits, offering purpose, independence, and achievement for those who may not thrive in traditional job roles. If the workplace doesn’t provide opportunities for Finley and Ethan, I’ll create a space where they’re not just employed but genuinely valued and supported.

 

A Life of Resilience 

 

Those with autism teach us the power of raw emotion and unfiltered truth. With them, you see authenticity, honesty in its purest form. Their resilience reminds us that, no matter the challenges, be it autism, down syndrome, dyslexia, or other challenges, we must continue to push forward.

 

The people we surround ourselves with play a crucial role in our journey. Having the right support system, filled with positive, loving individuals working toward a shared goal or greater good, can be the difference between success and failure. This is true for everyone. The secret to fulfillment lies in nurturing those connections and staying focused on progress.

 

Life is full of obstacles, but the only true barriers are the ones we allow to stop us. We can choose to see an obstacle as insurmountable or face it head-on, problem-solve, and find a way forward. And when we do, we grow stronger and better prepared for the next challenge.

 

My children have taught me that quitting is never an option. They inspire me to push forward every single day. Their love, perseverance, and unwavering light guide me through the darkness of a sometimes cruel world. 

 

They are my shining beacons, motivating me to live with love and work toward happiness, no matter the circumstances. With them leading the way, I am driven to achieve my goals and embrace life with hope and purpose.